This weekend, the weather turned cooler and Hubs and I headed out for a afternoon walk. I reached deep into the closet and pulled out my North Face fleece jacket that I haven't worn in a long while.
I reached into the pockets and pulled out a Muni Football pass. Hubs and I got a laugh that the pass was from a 49ers/Eagles game that we went to at Candlestick Park when we lived in SF three years ago and here we were going for a walk on a Sunday when the Eagles were playing in SF...again.
The fleece has been out of the rotation, happily, for a long time now--its a size that I haven't worn since around that game. Just a week or two later three years ago, my sister and I created a family Biggest Loser contest that finally got me in gear to make myself a little bit healthier. I had been working at home for months, basically living a sedentary sorry existence. The friendly family competition motivated me to eat better and start hitting the gym. Christmas morning I won the competition (by a hair) and then I didn't look back and kept exercising and eating better. A year ago next weekend, I ran my first half marathon in SF with 2 best friends and was probably at my healthiest in training for that race and preparing. It was a long road between that Muni pass and that Marathon, but I wanted to make it a change for life and not just a little while.
Well here I am now, 29 weeks pregnant, and once again wearing that fleece that is from my bigger days. Pregnancy has certainly been an adventure in wardrobe for me--wanting to look put together without breaking the bank and trying to realize that huge portions of my closet just simply are not happening right now. Of COURSE I know I am growing for a wonderful reason, but lately I have found myself reaching for my so-called "fat" clothes, which has been a tough feeling for me. The doctor visits, which have increased to every 2 weeks, have me slightly anxiously stepping on the scale. My belly has me back in more dark colors, black Tshirts, stretchy blends, and it has me just a little bit nervous. I have no idea how my body will finish off this pregnancy, and I don't know how I'll do at getting back into shape. I am trying to keep myself moving over the next 12 weeks and eating (pretty) well, (sometimes you just want another taco), and I already hope to return to running lightly in the spring. I think I just worry how easy it is to slide back to those old habits and old cozy big fleeces.
I am sure I am not alone in this concern...I think it has just been small reminders over the past few weeks of how gaining weight affects me, and how regardless of the amazing reason I have this time, the small fear I have of becoming an unhealthy person again. I think I just feel even more determined to live a healthier life for Little One and set a good example for our little family. For now, I am trying to relish the big snuggly coziness of that familiar fleece jacket.
Has anyone else struggled with this? Also just a note--I don't want anyone to read this and worry that I am not eating well for my pregnancy--I am eating many small meals a day, paying attention to my hunger, and eating lots of healthy options, just feeling a little aware of my poundage today!
